The four parts
- One true fact about themSomething real from their website or news: they added Saturday hours, they are hiring, their gala is in April. It shows you looked, and it is the reason for writing.
- A picture of the winOne sentence on what would be better for them. Not your features: their Monday morning, their tax season, their event running smoothly.
- Who you are and what they getYour name, your business, and what you do for businesses like theirs, in one or two sentences.
- One easy questionGive them two small options, such as a trial or a quote, a call or a one-page overview. Either answer moves things forward.
An example
Here is the structure in a real-looking email from a cleaning company to a dental practice. The names are made up.
Hi Priya,
Lakeside is open on Saturdays now.
Picture Monday mornings starting with every operatory already cleaned and restocked after the weekend, without anyone on your staff staying late.
I'm Luis with Clearview Commercial Cleaning. We clean dental and medical offices after hours, with the same two-person crew each visit so they learn your space.
Would a free walkthrough next week work, or would a written quote be easier?
Luis
It is under 100 words. Every sentence is about Priya's practice or a direct answer to "who is this and what do they want."
Subject lines
Keep the subject short, plain and specific to them: "Printing for the spring gala," "Before busy season," "Lunch for the Friday team meeting?" It should read like a note from a person, and it must honestly reflect what the email is about.
Avoid all caps, exclamation marks, "quick question" and anything that pretends to be a reply or a previous conversation.
What to leave out
- Talking about the email itself. Lines like "I'll keep this short" or "I'm not trying to sell you anything" use up the reader's attention and rarely help.
- Invented familiarity. Do not claim to be a fan, a neighbor or a mutual connection unless it is true.
- Links and attachments. In a first email to a stranger they add little and can hurt delivery. Offer to send more instead.
- A long list of services. One offer, the one that fits them, is more convincing than ten.
- Price, usually. Save it for the reply or the follow-up, unless a low, simple price is the whole point.
The follow-up
If there is no answer after three or four working days, send one short follow-up in the same thread. Add something new: a sample, a price, a relevant detail. Then stop. If someone replies to say no, or asks you to stop, stop for good.
The rules every email has to follow
In the United States, emails to businesses fall under the CAN-SPAM Act. At minimum: say who you are, use an honest subject line, include your real postal address, and give people a clear way to opt out that you honor quickly. Our guide to cold email and the law covers the details.